


Fjorclay Collection

by morresend



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Tenderness, nothing but tenderness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-07-23 20:51:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20014615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morresend/pseuds/morresend
Summary: all the fjorclays i've written over on my tumblr, transgilmore!





	1. home

A heartbeat that feels like home.

-

Fjord learns how to love it - it’s not a hard-taught lesson, not like certain others he’d accumulated during his childhood - just a little reminder that feeling the steady thrum of Caduceus’s heartbeat against his rough palm is something he deserves. Something he can, and should cherish.

Caduceus’s upper body is very interesting (and slightly worrying, when Fjord becomes acquaintanced with the subtle rise of his ribcage against his skin), all his _softness_ between the grey fur and the pink body hair scattered down his arms and chest. He likes most, though, to press his hand gently against the left side of Caduceus’s chest, again and again until he can feel the rhythm of his heart beating below.

It reminds him that Caduceus is real, as strange and silly as it sounds. It reminds him that Caduceus Clay is a living being who - who, gods above, _loves_ him - and is more than happy to let Fjord sleep curled up right beside him.

Fjord finds sleep without that heartbeat becoming increasingly difficult. It’s grounding, to feel that gentle sign of life, and is a constant that lulls him to sleep. Of course, there’s everything else about Caduceus that helps him relax into a state he hopes is dreamless. The long, lanky arms holding him tight around his shoulders, the rest of Caduceus’s long body curling around Fjord’s form. It’s slightly reminiscent of the way Frumpkin lies down to sleep. The position is much more comfortable when Fjord’s facing away from him, but then again, he wouldn’t be able to feel his heartbeat at his fingertips.

One night, when he’s sure Caduceus’s peaceful, heavy breaths are a sure signal of sleep, he detangles his hand from where it had stroked his pink curls down to his clavicle; traces the protruding bone, and slowly down to the place he knows he can hear Caduceus’s heart. He can’t help but smile, settling further into the affectionate curve of Caduceus’s body, eyes shut as he focuses on nothing but that undeniable sign of life and love.

A hand resting lightly on Fjord’s waist moves, slowly as if under Caleb’s slow spell, and tenderly falls onto Fjord’s chest, mirroring the spot where Fjord holds Caduceus. Fjord draws a short breath - oh, no, _nothing_ has ever been so endearing, so surprising, so sweet - as Caduceus touches around that area until his hand settles comfortably. Hearts beat without assistance, but if Fjord had any control over his, he’d have it do its job with twice the enthusiasm if it would satisfy Caduceus.

He hears a low, low chuckle near his ear as Caduceus presses a soft kiss to the shell of his ear. Fjord conjurs up an image of an ice cube melting in the warm sun, and decides that’s how he feels at this moment.

“This is sweet.” Caduceus mumbles sleepily into his ear. and, hands on each other’s hearts, it does feel like home


	2. flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to thecruixe on tumblr for sending in the prompt for this <333

Fjord feels like he’s a teenager again, with the way his face feels flushed hotter than coals, embarrassed down to his neck. It’s typical of him, getting all flustered like this when he and Caduceus have shared personal space a dozen times a day, kissed and touched each other in ways neither of them could’ve imagined.

But there’s something about how caduceus is _peering_ at him with quaint concentration, mouth quirked off to the side as he slots a flower with sky-blue petals into the white streak of his hair, that’s making Fjord blush like he’s so much younger.

“Mmm… nope.” Caduceus sighs after leaning back to study fjord - a change that Fjord both hates and appreciates - before leaning right back in to pluck the flower from his hair. He rolls the stalk between a grey forefinger and thumb, looking at Fjord’s hair with a gaze that is rose-coloured in both senses.

He threads the flower in again further back in Fjord’s hair, next to a sprig of lavender that’s been expertly weaved into the locks. Caduceus takes such time and care over this, slotting in each plant into Fjord’s hair with such affection and dedication that Fjord might wilt from it, if Caduceus was not such a verdant person.

“I think you’re very beautiful already, Fjord, but this makes you even _more_ beautiful.” Caduceus comments softly as one, two, three buttercups find their way into Fjord’s newly-grown facial hair. It’s a little precarious (his beard’s not _that_ long), but if Fjord tries his very hardest to sit still he suspects they’ll stay. However (this strange new emotion he’s been experiencing), he finds it incredibly difficult not to lean forward when Caduceus’s gentle lips are that close.

The difficulties of being in love.

“… _Ah._ ” says Fjord, who isn’t capable of much else. Caduceus taps the head of a buttercup with a soft yet sure index finger, before pulling outside of Fjord’s personal space to evaluate his work again.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re really nice like that.” Caduceus nods, half to himself, and Fjord catches this positively _dreamy_ look in his eyes. He has to look away for the shock of warmth it elicits in his gut.

“Deu- mm.” Fjord was going to say something, he swears. Or maybe he was just going to say his name, because it tastes so sweet on his tongue. But Caduceus has leant forward and is kissing him, reaching up to pass tentative, steady fingers through his flower-littered hair, admiring his work with his touch. Fjord just squirms with lots of emotions that he can’t detangle, willing his childishly embarrassed brain to make his lips move.

They kiss for a few seconds, soft seconds that stretch out, content to last for as long as they can. A few buttercups fall from Fjord’s beard when he tilts his head, and a dock leaf hangs loose by his left ear. when he pulls back, the sight makes Caduceus smile.

Supposedly The Wildmother is to thank for all the nature in this world, but Fjord believes Caduceus’s smile alone could make forests flourish.

“I’ll have to repay you by building a bird’s nest in your hair next time,” Fjord jokes with a light smile that dislodges another buttercup, and he notices how the skin around Caduceus’s eyes crease as his smile grows wider. It’s the small things.

“Oh, I tried that many seasons ago… I don’t think the birds appreciated their nest, uh, moving around a lot.” Caduceus hums in reminiscence, and Fjord just has to laugh. Because of course Caduceus has built a bloody bird’s nest in his hair.

“If I was a bird, i wouldn’t mind having you as my home.” Fjord says, a little shyly, and the words surprise him when they come out. Two thick, pink eyebrows raise in pleasant surprise.

“Oh, Fjord.” Caduceus sighs, and he sounds so _in love_ that Fjord is utterly bewildered. After all this time. He pulls Fjord close in that familiar way, where one hand cups the back of Fjord’s neck so he can tuck his head against Caduceus’s shoulder. It’s loving, special to Fjord, and slightly protective. The lavender plant falls from Fjord’s hair, floating more than falling down onto the ground - Caduceus picks it up and tucks it into his ear.

“What’d I do to deserve you and your flowers and your hugs?” Fjord mumbles into his shoulder, admittedly with a shameless smile on his lips.

Caduceus could spend hours answering that question.


	3. lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to the anon for sending in the prompt <333

Caduceus is, of course, naturally a quiet person. It’s one of the things that Fjord appreciates most about him - he provides a gentle respite from the mostly rowdy, rambunctious Nein. However, this silence that exudes from him feels entirely different from his usual disposition. It’s as if the quiet has wrapped itself around Caduceus, heavy like a smothering blanket, instead of how Caduceus usually uses it to his advantage, spinning it into the air like a seamstress.

It makes Fjord’s shoulders sag with the weight as he approaches Caduceus, perched on a lone chair at the breakfast table. It’s the early afternoon. The one downside of falling in love so deeply with a person is becoming so heart-achingly vulnerable and repulsed to their sadness.

He pulls up a chair next to Caduceus as the firbolg seems to snap out of a long train of thought, eyes flicking away from a gaze drenched deep in troubled thought.

“Hello, Deuce.” Fjord says, tone more ginger than he intended. Even before Caduceus turns to him with a slow smile, he can tell something’s off. And he hates it with a passion he has burnt for few others.

“Afternoon.” Caduceus responds tiredly, his drawn-up stance relaxing as Fjord covers a hand resting on the table with his. Fjord’s fingertips don’t quite meet Caduceus’s. He strokes his thumb through the fine grey fuzz coating his skin. It's such a texture that he won’t find on anything but a firbolg. Such interesting creatures, such lovely people.

Fjord continues to do that, simply reacquaintancing himself with the softness of Caduceus’s hand. He loves that hand as much as the rest of him - long, slender fingers. Old, practiced. A thought appears in his mind that he quickly has to shut off, because now is not the time. After a heavy pause, pierced only by a long sigh from Caduceus, Fjord speaks.

“You look… tired. Is everything alright?” Tired doesn’t begin to explain it. Caduceus looks sad. God, how it aches his heart to see that, to think that. What else does he deserve than happiness brighter than the sun?

“Yeah. Not much sleep. It’s just been, uh,” Caduceus pauses to meet Fjord’s eyes briefly, and goes thin-lipped at the lover’s concern he finds there, “a long night. lots of.. thinking.” Fjord nods quietly, and his chair scrapes against the floor as he pulls it closer to Caduceus. Caduceus’s ears twitch in response to the grating noise, and Fjord’s terrible for thinking it, but it’s cute.

“yeah?” Fjord prompts with the gentlest voice he can manage, holding Caduceus’s hand tighter. Besides deadly dances with deities, this is what he imagines brings the two close together. Hurting and listening, comforting and being.

“I just… feel like I'm in the dark, sometimes. You know?” Caduceus takes in another deep sigh, looking off into the distance, away from Fjord. Fjord waits. “I trust the Wildmother, with all of me, but, I can’t stop seeing these people who, uh. Know what they’re doing.”

Fjord shifts closer yet again to Caduceus, touches his shoulder with an uneasy hand. he listens, silently still.

“Like people in books. They know what their goal in life is. They’ve been given this great task to save the world. It’s nice when you can put it into words.” Caduceus continues. Fjord lets out a soft mmhm of acknowledgement, of understanding.

“I am happy, I really am. you know.” He sees an inkling of a real smile, so beautiful it could herald the dawn, “but every so often I just feel a little… lost.”

Lost.

So much emotion in that little word, so much that Fjord can hardly bear it. He feels his attachment to Caduceus come in full, in somewhat of a wave that flows through him, full of regret that he ever let Caduceus feel this way, full of determination to help him. So the hand on Caduceus’s shoulder slides to his back, traces the line of his spine.

“You know direction better than anyone here. you could lead a person, deaf and blind, through a maze without touching them. you’ve done so much for me, Cad - so much for everyone - keeping us straight when we needed it.” Fjord picks his words out from the deepest part of him, the one where he loves with gentle fierceness. “Well, you haven’t kept me straight, exactly, but-”

It takes Caduceus a few seconds, but it eventually draws a short laugh from him. Fjord drinks that soft sound in like he’s starved for it.

“My point is, I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you’re so not lost that you’ve made the rest of us more not lost.” Fjord tries a smile to brighten his words, but it’s so difficult when Caduceus isn’t smiling as well. “Everyone gets like this. everyone feels lost. but I know you’ve got- you’ve got faith, and you’ve got belief, and sort of determination, and you’ve just got to… keep going. It sucks, and it’s hard, but you’ll get somewhere in the end.”

Caduceus turns fully to him when Fjord falls silent, and he sees a spark of something good in his expression, something positive, as if Fjord’s words have actually helped him.

“I mean, look where I was, and look where I am. I got somewhere,” Fjord gestures ambiguously to the room around them, and then to Caduceus himself, whose lips pull up in a wonky half-smile. “I got you.”

At that, Caduceus leans forward (and down) to press their foreheads together, a measured breath falling from his lips as he does. It makes Fjord feel so warm, so relieved.

“Thank you, fjord.” Caduceus mumbles, with a humble sincerity that reaches deep like roots. Fjord just wants him to be okay. “I got you too.” he adds, with the funniest impersonation of Fjord’s accent that he has to pull back from the embrace to laugh. Sure, he feels awful for it, but he sees Caduceus grin through his own chuckles. And that’s more than enough for him.


	4. soulmate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to caduceus-tealeaves on tumblr for sending in the prompt! <3  
> and a huge thank you to kurofae on tumblr for the gorgeous art!!!!! 💚💗

“Do you believe in soulmates, Mister Claaay?” Jester inquires as she plops herself down next to Caduceus on a fallen log. The party are currently enjoying the respite of a quick rest; some people (Nott and soon Caleb) taking the chance to catch up on sleep, others chatting idly with their friends. Caduceus was previously talking to a snide little squirrel he’d spotted, but had scampered off when Jester approached in her spritely manner.

“Soulmates?” Caduceus echoes with a bemused tip of his head as he turns his body to better face her, “what’re those?”

Jester’s smile widens into an impish little grin that suits her face so well. “You don’t know what soulmates are?! Well, they’re like… Hemmm…” she pauses, furrowing her brows into a melodramatic expression of thought before continuing.

“It’s like when you love someone so very very much that you know they’re the _one_.” she explains, sticking her index finger up to accentuate the final word.

“Right… I love my mother a lot. Is she my soulmate?” Caduceus guesses, still not entirely clear of confusion - but he’s trying for Jester. She pulls such a face that Caduceus is instantly convinced that his mother is _not_ his soulmate.

“No, silly! It’s like, _lovey-dovey_ love. When you’re dating someone, or just _really_ good friends and it feels super special, and you want to be with them for the rest of your entire life. Soulmates are just meant for each other, from the day they’re born!” Jester explains with a chipper tone that shows her enthusiasm, and Caduceus understands now - but he’s not sure if he could even have an opinion. After all, he’s never felt ‘lovey-dovey’ for anyone before. He certainly loves his family, and his friends, but never in a way that made him believe he’d spend his entire life with them alone.

It does oddly sound like destiny, though. He toys with the idea of Jester having a soulmate, of _him_ having a soulmate too. That a person might be out there in the world, who was meant for him from their first breath… and him, meant for them. It’s definitely a new concept - and somehow poetic.

"I mean… sure, it sounds possible. Two people destined for each other. Is it always two people?” he muses.

“Oh, _no_ , it can be more than two people sometimes! At least i think so.”

“That’s nice.” Caduceus pauses, and thinks a little more about it. If someone had a soulmate on the other side of the world, surely that’d be very upsetting for the both of them. “Do you believe in soulmates?”

Caduceus catches her eyes ever so briefly flicking over to the rest of the group before focusing back on him. “Maybe?” she responds cryptically, but Caduceus can tell. of course he can.

-

Things feel very _correct_ when Fjord sits in his lap. They’re like jigsaw pieces long unused and finding an entire new purpose in life when finally slotted together. Caduceus is holding Fjord’s waist with a reverent lightness, because his hands feel very right there, when they’re not stroking Fjord’s hair or cupping his chin.

Things feel even more correct when they kiss. Aside from all the other emotions. Nervousness like he’s never experienced; something like angels have descended and bequeathed upon him a thousand blessings; an excitement that makes his entire body tingle, especially the places that Fjord is touching. The slow movements of Fjord’s mouth have always been unsure, though have been less so since they had their first kiss. He’s never demanding, but he’s never uninterested. He keeps Caduceus absolutely hooked on the familiarly unique taste on his lips and tongue, and Caduceus loves it through and through. The day he discovered he could taste Fjord much better when he did things with his own tongue was a wonderful day.

As they part, Fjord looks at him with a gaze that’s soft and warm and deep, the gold of his eyes brighter than the sun. Caduceus reaches up to follow the curve of fjord’s cheekbone with a thumb, knuckles resting on his cheek. It's the little touches that Caduceus enjoys the most (more than the kissing, although it is incredible), quick moments of intimacy that tell stories just from a little contact. Fjord tilts his head into his hand, subtly but not imperceptibly.

“I think you’re my soulmate,” says Caduceus.

Fjord has to lean back rather hastily because he starts coughing uncontrollably. This makes Caduceus concerned, as both a lover and a healer.

“Fjord?” he calls quietly, hoping he hasn’t said the wrong thing. but - he’s so _very_ sure. Melora even told him it was more than possible.

Fjord can’t meet Caduceus’s gaze when he finally stops coughing, a dark shade of green dusting his cheeks. Caduceus blushes pink and Fjord blushes green, unsurprisingly.

“Sorry, I, um-” Fjord rubs at his mouth with the back of his hand, edging off Caduceus’s lap and sitting on the bed just opposite him. “You - you really think so?”

“Yeah. I mean, it feels really nice doing this, and even nicer when I get to hold your hand and cuddle you when you sleep.” Caduceus says, revelling in the warm feeling in his stomach as he recalls all of the memories of the warmth, the sensations, the love.

Fjord honestly looks like he’s about to cry.

“Aw, Cads,” he tries to speak, but has to fall quiet and rub at his face again. It’s a mannerism of embarrassment. Caduceus knows that already - it's very endearing. “ _caduceus_ ,” and Fjord half-falls forward and wraps his arms around Caduceus.

If this is how soulmates hug, it feels very appropriate, because Fjord is literally and metaphorically knocking the breath out of him. Caduceus holds him close, kisses the crown of his head. This is the embrace he wants to feel for the rest of his life. This is the steady rise and fall of breath he wants to feel against him for the rest of his life. Caduceus is so utterly convinced of this fact that it’s all he can feel for a few beautifully blinding seconds. It’s a convinced epiphany (revelation) that feels bright and warm like the hottest of the seasons.

“Did Jester tell you about that?” Fjord mumbles against Caduceus’s neck after a long, long pause. The question makes Caduceus’s smile even bigger.

“ _Maybe?_ ”he responds in the worst impression of Jester that either of them have ever heard. And that’s saying a lot for two friends of Caleb Widogast.


	5. ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you thecruixe for sending in the prompt!!!! <333333333

Fjord smells like the best plants at home. He believes it’s the influence of the Wildmother; she’s cleansed the bitter salt stench that once clung to him, cloaked him in the subtle scent of wet earth and lilies and sweet peas.

Caduceus lowers his head to take in the scent of his lover, nose pressed to the side of his head. His hair’s shaved at the sides now, all of it save for a strip at the top where he balances an unkempt bun. Caduceus tied his hair for him this morning, as he did the morning before (but not the one before that).

“You remind me of my home,” Caduceus sighs warmly as he inclines his head again, “that feels right.”

Fjord pauses his ministrations on the cascade of Caduceus’s hair - long enough to flow down the firbolg’s shoulder and fall in rosy curlicues in Fjord’s lap. Fingers pause on their journey down through the locks, and he relaxes further backwards into Caduceus’s lap, head resting against the steady rise and fall of his chest. How many times that has stopped throughout their journey, neither of them like to think about it. Eyes on the future, as Fjord has been doing ever since Caduceus slipped into his life.

“You’re the closest thing I’ve had to a home. So.. you remind me of home too. Because you are home.” says Fjord with an ease he’s become accustomed to. Words flow easier these days, when he knows he can reach out to Caduceus. He’s used to searching in the dredge of his heart, pulling up the worst of it all, and laying it bare from his tongue; Caduceus set it all right, and Fjord is no longer afraid of being fixed.

“You’ll have a bigger home soon. There’ll be plants growing everywhere - and lots of tea to brew -” Caduceus pauses to press a kiss to somewhere on Fjord with every word in the list, imagining it all so vividly, the future so close to being _now,_ “and visits from our friends - and a nice bed with lots of blankets when it gets cold - ”

Fjord closes his eyes and remembers the sea-slammed young man who woke up on the beach, old falchion at an arm’s length. He feels like a phantom.

“ - and no… no gods or empires or queens to anywhere bend us backward.”

The way Caduceus voices it feels oddly empowering, to both of them. Together, they would create a softer life; simpler, filled with love and the kind of death that didn’t just barge in unnanounced. And that little life of two people would become a barrier against the strongest powers of the world. They’ll lift the curtain for all the friends they’ve made along the way, make a lasting mark somewhere for the friends that can’t visit.

Caduceus thinks it sounds very nice.


End file.
